The One Outlook That Changed My Writing Forever

Hint: it has something to do with feedback...

When I was younger, I struggled with receiving feedback. Even before I started writing professionally at age 13, I viewed feedback as a hindrance. It was hard enough writing a good piece. Handing it over just for it to get critiqued felt so frustrating.

I used to think feedback meant getting your story harshly critiqued and then rewritten the way the other person thought the story should go. Part of that belief stemmed from self-doubt and perfectionism, which I battle on a daily basis. It’s tiring to spend hours on a piece, only for someone to point out all of the positive and negative attributes to tweak — again.

Over the last few years, feedback has evolved into something entirely different to me. I joined my online writing community as a young teenager, and the biggest thing that the community prioritizes is helpful feedback. We can ask for critiques if we really want them, but we prioritize complimenting the things that work, gently pointing out the things that don’t, and making the writer feel good about showing up and posting anything, no matter how good or bad the writer might think it is.

In my time in the community, I learned something else that I wish I had known sooner. It’s honestly the one outlook that changed my writing forever:

Be open to feedback, but you’re the one writing the story!

When I started posting my first book for a small group of friends in the community, I found that the people reading it gave great feedback but they let me tell the story. Never once did they tell me how they thought the story should go.

Was my fear of feedback gone? Not exactly. I still deal with it from time to time, but from that day forward, I started writing without worrying about what other people would think about it. I still give my writing to a close editor friend for feedback, but now I understand that the point of feedback isn’t to tear my story apart, it’s to help mold it into something stronger and something I ultimately love. Each writer has different stories, experiences, and styles, and feedback is a way to get honest opinions on the writing — NOT for people to tear it apart and rewrite it the way they want to.

If you’re a writer, what’s been your experience with feedback? Let me know in the comments below.

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